Monday, June 8, 2009
A War Within
My Mind says 'its not your fault,ur just telling the truth'.
My Heart says 'why are you soo cruel? Selfish? Put urself in his shoe! '
My Mind reply 'so what? people are selfish!'
My Heart reply 'n u just lost a friend.'
My Mind says 'you got lots of other frens.'
My Heart says 'that fren of yours care for you,always there for you.Think!'
n my mind shut up..
soon it reply 'Best solution is: death'
My Heart reply 'think about ur mama,papa,adik and frens'
My Mind continue 'if you carry on lyk this,u'll be insane,u might as well give up ur ''precious'' life'
My Heart reply 'i love them,i want make them happy.'
My Mind say 'what happiness can u bring for them? ur just useless,not independant girl'
my heart shut up now..
My Mind continue 'u always ask people for help,and then you just gave them a simple thanks'
'search within urself if u ever done anything special for them'
'maybe yes,but do they even see it?'
'y?'
'its just soo small'
'timid,just like you!'
'so are u even worth living?'
'do u even know wads ur purpose in life?'
NO
'so why are you here?'
My Heart voice up 'i still hold on to my religion.Yes,i dunno my purpose of living,i may not worth living,i am small compared to u,i do feel hurt when people just don't appreciate me,but atleast i did said ''thanks'' when help is given. Atleast i do care being courtesy.'
My Mind say 'what are u goin to do now? things are repeating again.'
My Heart says 'I Want To Change to be a more Caring person,More Independent person'
'How?'
My Mind reply 'help again?den hurt that person and feel guilty for the rest of your life?'
My Heart says 'I never thought of hurting anyone,especially those who helped me. At the same time,i just can't lie to u or myself. The truth hurts. Im sorry. Im not ready to change my Heart. Im very sorry. Please understand. But still,i do want u coz i need u. U always care for me fren. I really appreciate that. Somehow,i like u. But i Never hope for u as i know that we're unstable. You can say that u love me today. And the next, U fall for another girl, leaving me with a shattered heart. I've told u,i'm not strong. I've been hurt once and i hit me hard. Another blow, u will never know what will happen next. That's one of my biggest fear-Hurt. So now,i was hoping if we can be like last tyme. If u ever read this blog.'
My syg,if u still read my blog,whoever im refering to,only u know..
But he's not my only prob..
Guy,he's back..
Still ON with his sweet love words..
Im divided into soo many pieces now..
My Mind is tangled,My Heart is injured..
I just dunno wads about to happen to me next...
I still have my 'Future' probs and my family probs..
haiz...
N this is holiday...
I'm seriously going NUTs...
im really really sorry
Liyana Cullen
bitten at 10:38 AM
